This is the year of the Water Dragon, but there isn’t one nesting in
. Dragons are hard to find, even around these parts. Why, the big lugs are woefully under-employed. Let’s boost school spirit, y’all, and plaster Jasper with dragons! Tag a beautiful dragon on some big wall that’s peeling blue and white paint, if you know where a big wall that’s peeling blue and white paint is located. Or, stay out of jail and help me think of what cute stuff we can make with dragons and then market the fire out of ‘em. Grand View Lake
This year, I plan to stop trying to be so pretty. It’s time to liberate my stomach from being sucked in for photos. My inspiration comes from Spencer, my daughter’s boyfriend. Since birth, he has ruined every family picture ever made, by making a face at the camera. He has my daughter doing it too, so we have no nice pictures of either of them. The ugly ones are proudly displayed on their Facebook pages under “Awesome Faces.” Try making faces yourself, and see how liberating it can be.
Do you get cabin fever after Christmas? I sure do. What you need is reflective light. Try hanging a big mirror in the living room or bedroom, so it reflects a window. Don’t have a big mirror? Family Dollar has big, lightweight mirrors for under $25. If the frame is dark and ugly and cheap looking (and you know it will be) Home Depot sells OOPS paint for $1.00. One or two colors are more than enough to sponge the frame of your new mirror. Then you can amuse yourself staring into it, making Awesome Faces.
This is the year I wish we’d get a municipal facelift.
is gorgeous in places. Being neat and clean all over would help a common aesthetic emerge. If your neighbors have had a rusted eyesore out front for a decade or so, why not choose your moment and just haul it off yourself? What’s the worst they’ll do - run a “missing sofa” ad in the paper? It’ll be worth every pound you pay at the dump, conveniently located at 1350 Jones Mountain Road, Talking Rock. (706) 253-8860. Pickens County
Last of all, this year I vow not to sit at home. I can afford eating out, Chinese. It’s cheap, and two can share a meal at lunchtime for almost nothing. The waiter will still bring two fortune cookies. Try my fun trick: add the words “in bed” to the end of your fortune to make it smutty. If you have young children along, distract them as you do this. Tell them to look at the dragons. And be sure to tip your waiter on the way out. That is how he feeds his family, so be generous. You know that tipping is not a city in