Thursday, April 5, 2012

Mellow Yellow

Spring is here, and so is the pollen. I’ve been driving something bright yellow. Bet you have, too! But why bother to wash them? Tomorrow they’ll just be bright yellow again. And outdoors, the wind would blow your soap bubbles clean away. Swallow one, and you’d talk like Lawrence Welk.

It’s better for your lungs to stay indoors. Why not take advantage of this, and go antiquing? There are thousands of old, forgotten things populating Pickens, waiting to be dusted off, loved and repurposed. But get an early start, or the tourists will get your treasures. It takes time to find something “wunnerful, wunnerful,” but don’t lose track of it. Once, I got so involved digging through boxes, the clerk locked up for the night with me inside. I panicked! Behind the counter, the key holders were listed on an ancient Rolodex. I called around until someone agreed to come let me out.
Recently, that shop was swarmed with tourists. They’d arrived in a fleet of antique cars. A wise-guy was bothering the clerk. He took a few business cards. “I’m here to distract you while my friends shop-lift.”  He told her. She laughed, and waved him away. One of the ladies sat slumped on a little shoe-shine bench. Clearly, she did not realize the full import of her proximity. I had to say something. “Ma’am, you know you’re in antique heaven, right? Jasper has better prices than bigger towns.”
“Is that where we are, Jasper?” She asked. “We’re from Dawsonville.”
I thought: This lady does not even know where she is. But then I remembered the definition of a tourist.
And then there was Wise-Guy, trying on ladies’ hats. He continued his shoplifting shtick, moving to the luggage. Working a train case into his waistband, he screamed to no-one: “My pants are full!” I redirected him to the tobacco paraphernalia. There, he found his treasure! Grabbing the shop’s business card and his cell phone, he dialed the clerk, who sat just a few feet away. “Do you have Prince Edward in a can?” He asked.
“Yes, we do.” She replied.
“Well, you’d better let him out!”
She hung up on him.


  1. Nothing to do with this post -- which I enjoyed reading by the way -- but I want to let you know that your Progress column is a delight. That "as clues flicker across his other body parts" line is brilliant!

  2. Thank you, Diane! I appreciate your support :)